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Choose

2012-01-27T02:27:00.004+08:00

*pitter patter*

The sound of light swift footsteps.

Running deeper into the dense forest with each step. Away from daddy and mummy.

Still clutching the torn note tightly in her small fist.

I'm watching you...

She stopped every 30 paces or so to catch her breath. She read the content of the note once again, written messily with red ink.

"Dear Tammy,
I know you are angry with your daddy and mummy. I know you are a lonely girl. I have been watching you and I can help. I am your friend. Meet me at 7 in the evening near the woods. I will give you a surprise. Don't you like surprises? Don't tell anyone about it. It's our secret.

Papa Bear"

With tears forming in her eyes, she continued running.

Tammy closed her ears to drown out the unwanted sounds she heard that morning. Daddy and mummy are at it again like every other day.

"I don't understand why you have to return at 3 in the morning every single day! And those unpaid bills. Why can't you stop your drinking habit and pay off those bills? Don't you care about the family?"

"You don't have to order me around. I know what I'm doing and I don't need you to nag at me."

"And that broken pipe which you said you were going to mend, that isn't done too? Why are you so unhelpful ughhh!"

Why do adults like to raise their voices? Can't they say it softly and nicely? Then everything would be better. I don't like them. I hate the way they speak to each other. I hate the way they talk. I hate them I hate them I hate!!

She reached a fork in the road. Left? Right?

Left or right?

Gummy bears or Twinkies?

Barney or Cookie Monster?

She chose left.

*****

"She's not at home. She's supposed to go for ballet now. Where is she?"

"I don't know. Tammy was supposed to be YOUR responsibility."

"What do you mean your? It's YOUR kid too okay!"

"It's my kid too but it's supposed to be your job to fetch her to practice, not mine. I work and earn to support the family. Fetching Tammy is your job. Can't you just look after her for a second?"

"I don't care and I don't want to argue with you. Now where is she?"

*****

Am I going the right way? Why can't I find Papa Bear? Maybe he couldn't wait for me. Maybe he went back.

No one loves me, no one cares. I don't want to...

Tammy paused and squinted her eyes at something 50 meters ahead at the side of the road.

Why.. It's a small teddy bear. Is it for me is it for me is it? It must be from Papa Bear. Hello Papa Bear, are you there? I can't see, it looks like him there waving. The teddy must be the surprise. But it must be him, who else can it be. Wait for me Papa! I'm coming!

Tammy ran as fast as she could.

*****

"Excuse me sir, have you seen a girl around 4 years old, long blonde hair and... No? Thanks."

"Excuse me ma'am, did you happen to see a girl? 4 years old. Blond. Birthmark on her cheek. No?"

"Excuse me miss, have you...."

*****

Tammy could not keep up with the fast paced running for long and soon had to stop.

Papa Bear wait for me. Don't go! Where am I? I don't know where am I.

I am...

Why does everything look the same? It's getting dark. I'm lost. I can't see clearly. Where's Papa Bear?

Watching...

Papa Bear where are you? It's so quiet here. Please don't leave me! It's me, Tammy!

You...

Tammy began to cry.

Suddenly she heard the rustling of some bushes behind. Her heart stopped and she held her breath.

What was that, she thought. Please don't let it be the Bogeyman. Please don't let it be.

I am...

Tammy recalled watching a TV program just a few weeks ago. The Bogeyman takes children away, the good ones. Takes them away to far far places and no one can find them. Nobody knows what happened to them.

Watching...

She watching and waited. And breathed a sigh of relief when a small bushy figure about 15 inches long came out of it.

It's just a squirrel. Nothing to be afraid of. I'm a strong girl. I'm a strong girl. I'm a strong...

A hooded figure appeared in front of her when she turned her head. She screamed and tried to run, but she found her legs turned to jello. The figure approached closer and closer.

She blacked out. not before hearing the figure mumbling "I've got her, I've got her."

*****

2 weeks later after the dramatic rescue by the sheriff's department of the local county, Tammy finally started school. Doctors diagnosed her as having an attention-deficit condition. As a result, her loneliness made her hallucinate and she gradually started developing imaginary friends.

Her daddy and mummy agreed for therapy to resolve their issues. Now she proudly tells her friends how daddy and mummy are getting better each day, and also how she never got to met that Papa Bear on that fateful day.

The day when things finally turned around for the better.

Starting of the new Sem

2012-01-08T20:53:00.003+08:00

3 weeks of hols are up! Tomorrow's gonna be the start of the 2nd semester of studies. I'm kinda excited really. Wondering what's the new semester gonna bring. However one thing's for sure, it's not gonna be easy. I didn't know what to expect last semester and probably struggled for quite a bit. Now I know what to expect for the new sem (like the workload and how things revolve), things should be better I guess. So let's put behind all the animosity and start with a new perspective of things yeah?

Before I sign off, there's another thing that will be the in the mouths of many who's into football. As the match is ongoing right now even as I type this, the talking point of all the pundits and fans alike definately, is the inclusion of Paul Scholes who came out of retirement to start on the bench. I'm sure everybody will be watching very very closely tonight. In my opinion, it's a double edged sword. Either Fergie will be hailed a tactical genius if things go his way tonight, or the spotlight will be shone even brighter on Man Utd's fragile midfield if it doesn't. We shall see.

What 2011 taught me.

2012-01-01T01:17:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of the year. I can totally understand the excitement of everyone.

But as everyone gets so crazy over countdowns and parties and drinking and so on to usher in the new year, take a moment to reflect upon the past year. God rightfully gave us the 31th of December for a reason. Remember the things you did right and also the ones you screwed up, turning it all around for the better :)

Personally, 2011 has been a rubbish year for me. Nothing has gone right. Okay maybe not 'nothing', but well you get the point. Maybe I can't say for everyone, but some people I know of born in the same year of the goat are saying the same thing.

This year was an eventful year, although I was not able to record it much on my posts. I finished A-Levels early this year. I lost love, and learned what love is like again. I found what God's will is like. We witnessed the biggest yellow-coloured strike in Malaysia. I found out to not follow my heart. I went for a Penang trip with the fellow 0907! I started Uni and assignments! I wrote 101 facts about myself (which I regreted doing so halfway through!). Finally, ehhh no more!

Similarly, 2011 has taught me:

- to be more patient. Thank you Bieber. Or is it Beiber? Whatever i forgot.

- that anyone can become famous and come out with an album. Thanks Rebecca Black and autotune.

- that friends you made in college can be the best ones you ever find. Thanks 0907 gang :)

- that love is a delicate and hard thing to keep. It requires an array of sacrifices and it really takes a matured pair to keep and maintain it. But I can't say so for myself unfortunately. Thanks immature self.

- that a good relationship with God is to be kept, no matter what happens. Felt like turning away when my heart got broken, but in the end I still couldn't just ignore God after all He's done for me. Thanks God. Help me to be more consistent in my spiritual walk.

-that I'm not so smart after all. Thanks education.

- that I've turned from hoarder to spender. Spending is no more a problem for me, you can even hear me complaining of having not enough money to spend. Thanks money.

- if you want to see a change for the better in the country, I suggest you vote for the correct party in the next elections. Thanks Penang and LGE.

-that Joel Low can actually like a girl! :D

- if you want to know how the government think of us citizens of Malaysia, look no further than that memorable event in May. Thanks Bersih.

- that you can't trust everybody you think of highly. For these 2-face asses whom you entrust your secrets to will act like they're dependable, but spread stories about you behind your back. You won't even have found out if not for other friends. Thanks idontwannamentionnames.

- that no matter how much I eat, I can't seem to grow elsewhere except the tummy. Thanks screwed-up biological whatever. I'm going to call up protein the next time.

- that university means less sleep. In fact, I actually get better results if I do an all-nighter with my assignments the day before submission. Thank you Psych!

So here's to a much better 2012! *raises cup*

Cheers!!

This Christmas musing

2011-12-24T20:15:00.005+08:00

It's understandable that everyone gets so hyped up for Christmas. Pardon me for my un-classy opening, but Christmas is a time of what? Presents? The ever invisible Santa? Friends? Family?

Whatever you may think it is, it's about the birth of a king around 2000 years ago. I don't have to elaborate about it, just Google up 'Christmas' and everything is there.

Christmas weekends are a really really hectic time. Try to ask someone out on Christmas weekend, response is usually negative, especially the +-1 of Christmas (24th, 25th, 26th). As a rather 'introverted' introvert, it can be really daunting as each day nearer to Christmas brings more events to attend.

What most people don't understand, especially extroverts is--in my opinion--the simple yet always overlooked concept on how people work. You see, it's not that we hate Christmas parties, but the fanfare just wears us introverts out. Just think of us as a rechargeable battery. After a prolong use, you return the battery to its dock to charge back its juice. Same thing applies to introverts. After an array of social events, we need some personal time to recharge ourselves. We pick and choose events to attend according to individual capability. And so we often get labeled 'antisocial' or 'boring feller who doesn't like to mix around'.

I know I'm not an easy kid to handle. Sometimes I feel sorry for my parents who have to deal with an extra stranger in the house. But having said that, I'm still trying to discover who I am. At times I don't even know who I am in the first place.

'Oh yeah?' I heard you say. 'You're so self-centered you only talk and care about yourself. Christmas is not about yourself, it's about other people.' Before you all label me as an Uncle Scrooge, I'm sorry to say, but so are you! Yes, you.

Think.

You moan if the present that you got from a gift exchange sucks.

You say it's okay, but bitterly complain inside if someone you bought a present for, doesn't return the favour.

Isn't that being kind of self-centered too, albeit in a slightly different kind of way?

Anyway, who says Christmas is only about presents. Yes I may be kind of hard-headed at things, and yes I acknowledge that I may not be likeable to everyone. But hey I'm Amos.

You know what's my ideal Christmas? I may be turn off by saying this, but a quiet dinner at home with close friends or family, that's what I desire. Not the flashing of party lights, just a cosy setting, nice background music, maybe a few drinks and talk till it's midnight among the few of us.

But after all the complaining, the whining, the laughter and heartaches, lest' we not forget the true meaning of Christmas. It transcends all human understanding, how God in His fullness can take form human flesh to come out with an ultimate redemption plan to bring hope to the world.

Let us not forget about that. Let whose who haven't heard about the great hope there is in God, hear.

Christmas Morning

2011-12-24T01:59:00.001+08:00

"Tell me I'm ugly, Just tell me."

Kath sighed. " Well, probably you're just going though that time of the month." Outside it was just beginning to drizzle as they sat at their favorite hang-out spot.

Shannon slurped on her near-empty Starbucks, looking across at her best friend's almost untouched one. "All I want for Christmas is a guy who would appreciate me. Is that too much to ask?"

"Maybe you're barking up the wrong tree. I thought Andy's a nice guy, maybe you shouldn't have left him."

"Oh, him? Puh-leeze, I'm already over him. He's not exactly mmm, how would you say, exciting enough for me. Just an old douche-bag, well mannered la-ti-da kind of guy. He's nice, but not for me. End of story."

"Look Shannon, maybe you shouldn't keep finding. Who knows, maybe the right one will come eventually. Anyway it's Christmas eve already, can you even expect anything extraordinary to happen tomorrow?"

Later that evening, Shannon got dressed for dinner as the relatives came to visit. As usual, Mama got a giant turkey running out of the oven and got the approval of the whole table with her Caesar salad.

"I bet 10 bucks, that you can't say how the Caesar salad got its name." said Grandpa over a mouthful of salad.

"It must be from the emperor Caesar, Dad." piped in Mama.

"No, it was from an Italian immigrant who does restaurants in Mexico and the US. Hah!" chuckled Grandpa like a 4 year-old who said something funny.

Shannon didn't join in when Aunt Rachael suggested Pictionary after desserts. All she wanted to do was to flop on her bed and dream about anything at all. Her mind started to wonder as she subconsciously drowned out the laughter coming from the living room directly below.

I haven't thought about Andy in a while, I wonder how he's doing right now. But I like someone else now, and he's all I want. He's my close friend, but I don't know whether he feels the same way about me.

Shannon awoke the next morning, racing down the stairs 2 steps at a time and Eagerly tearing open the presents with shrieks of surprise. A purple top from Papa, earrings from Mama, a cute handmade card from little Johnny and a box of candy from Grandpa.

*Ding dong*

Who could be at the door at this weather? It's snowing. Plus it's Christmas morning, thought Shannon.

"Shannon would you get the door?" yelled Mama from the kitchen.

Shannon curiously complied. There was no one there, save a nicely wrapped box with a note on it.

It read:

"There's nothing more I would like to do than to spend this Christmas with you, but I guess in this situation this present has to make do. Merry Christmas Shannon."
-Andy

All the past emotions, all the hurt, all the good times came back in an instant.

A guy who cared, but whom she didn't like that much anymore; or the one whom she cared about, but may not have feelings for her?

She thought it over in her tiny heart.

Question Marks

2011-11-27T18:38:00.004+08:00

"I'll become what you became to me."
Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls

In Unknown, with Liam Neeson playing the main character, wakes up in a hospital in a foreign land with no identification papers, only vaguely remembering his name. To his horror, someone else had assumed his identity. Worse still, apparently his wife doesn't recognise him and denies knowing him. At one point Liam thinks he's gone baloney because nobody seemed to believe him and were making him think that he had lost his mind. Is it all a staged act? Or is he living an illusion? However at the end he finally discovers the truth.

I only started questioning my intelligence last week. A series of mediocre results really rocked the boat and I really felt quite discouraged. All these while people have been drumming into me: you are smart; you are intelligent; you are capable of doing better than this.

I mean, I've never thought of me being not that great before. I've been believing what people say about me all these while. Just like the popular 'positive thinking' example: If you think you can do it, you can! But the smartypants fella who came out with that saying forgot something. Does it mean if I think I can fly with my arms, I can fly?

But if someone says you're dumb, you're a failure, you'll start questioning your abilities. If i recalled correctly, there's this 3-step approach to failure:

Someone says: "You're dumb."
-The thought is planted into your mind. You start to think "Is there some dumbness in me?"
-Then you screwed up something real badly. "Am I really as dumb as they say?"
-And you finally come to the conclusion: "I'm really dumb."

Great example of the dangers of over-thinking, a problem to a number of us.

Am I really smart to begin with? Well I've always thought that I was capable enough, but now I'm doubting so. Everyone has different intelligence levels right? Maybe I'm not that smart after all. Don't know how many people had this feeling before, but its really mind-blowing the moment you discovered it. Like I've always been so disappointed when I don't get good results, because all the while I was shaped into assuming that I'm at this level, but in reality I'm at a lower level of intelligence. No wonder I couldn't reach the top no matter how much I tried.

I never liked this saying, but I think for once, it's true that:

"Don't have high expectations of things, because you won't be too disappointed if it failed."

If you read all the above and think my confidence level had taken a serious blow, that's where you're wrong! Surprisingly (to myself especially), my confidence is actually better now. Knowing my competence level and knowing myself better makes me more aware of what I'm capable of. Having a nonchalant way of viewing the world sometimes helps, rather than an over-serious one :)

Although the above statement might be relevant, but I choose to hope in some things. Some things are there to fight for (like my beliefs), then go on and fight for what's right and what's real. But things that are out of my control, I let go and submit.

Don't over-think things. Place it in the care of the one who is in control.

Waiting

2011-11-22T16:45:00.002+08:00

I'm waiting
In this place
Machines grinding
Everything around is a blur

"Hi sir, welcome!"
"Hi," my hesitating tongue spitted out
Looking out the window from this comfy armchair
Grey skies with a chance of rain
But it goes without saying:
No one deserves this kind of pain
Not when I did the best I could to repair
What feels like endless despair

6 months on, still counting
Every day is a drag
Countless pebbles for me to stumble along
Olives are all that I want to offer
But am I getting a piece of coal in return?

Things can be so unpredictable
Life is like giving Calvin a sledgehammer
(I don't know why, but it just feels cool imagining it)
Some things you get, some you don't
Sometimes after weeks of waiting and it appears in the mail
When you finally set your hands on it
You're not sure you really want it in the first place

But I can still look to You and say
It's not thy will or any fault I've committed
That made me deserving of this
Rather, grace, a forgiven spirit and faint hope is what keeps me going
On this narrow road that has no ending

And I'll become
What you became to me, cause
I'm waiting.

A 5-Point update

2011-11-14T11:49:00.003+08:00

Alright, so in a blink of an eye and it's November already.

There was a point in time where having a blog was the in-thing. 3-4 years on, not many blogs are still surviving. At least not from what I observed. Therefore I shall have 5 points to make it easier for myself and my surviving readers:

1. My daily schedule is currenly - wake up, class, computer (either assignments or social, no time for games), eat, back to computer, sleep. None too exciting eh? Get used to it, no more high school/college.

2. One thing of not being attached to anyone is that you can have all the time to yourself. You can be oblivious to anything around you, plan out your own activities and timing, drawn into your own vortex or nebula or whatever and still make it through the next day. In the course of time, to better understand yourself, your likes and dislikes, wants and hates. I sincerely pity people who don't have the opportunity to sit down with nothing on your mind, but yourself. Many might view it as self-centeredness. After all, everything doesn't revolve around you, you think you're god meh? But I chose to view it as self-reflection. You will find things that you never thought you knew about yourself, at least for me. Nevertheless, many say a shared joy doubles the happiness, a shared problem halves the sadness, and I totally agree with it. But of course, I'm trying to draw the positives out of it :)

3. McDonald's has somehow made its advertising successfully penetrate my mind. I would stop by 5 times a week minimum to get a sundae or apple pie at least! (Partially because fatty foods will be able to make me gain more weight laa.) Those who follow me on social sites would probably be bored of my constant visits or drive thru's to McD. Anyway it proves one thing- McDonald's displays successful brand advertising for being able to plant the thought of their products in my head. Either that or DRUGS.

4. I need to hit the gym more often. Somehow no matter how much I eat according to my capacity, I'll never grow horizontally, only my tummy grows. Tried going to the gym for a few weeks but stopped when my semester began. I have to find a kaki cause it'll be more motivating.

5. A-C-C-E-P-T-A-N-C-E is a big 10 letter word. Yes 80% of you will predictably count the words to see if I'm right with my maths. Everyone desires to be accepted, but not many accept. Is it the effect of 'learned helplessness'? I don't know.

if it's still in your mind, it's still in your heart.

My LONGGGEST 24 hours

2011-11-04T01:29:00.005+08:00

11.30pm
Let's get started on PSY113!

1.30am
Slightly drowsy, but had a cup of coffee earlier, that should do the trick!

1.35am
Gosh this is hard. Am I the only one awake doing this??

2.22am
Eyes starting to see flashing multi-coloured lights on the screen lol.

2.58am
Gosh some car decided to park outside my house with 4 people standing there talking and smoking. Eventually 1 male & female in their 20's walked down the street into don't know which house, the other 2 drove off.

4.13am
Still going strong. Listening to Swift's songs to keep me company ;)

4.18am
Brushed my teeth to keep me fresh! Went up to my room, and it was worse than rain in Genting cause there was no one to off the air-cond.

5.00am
Thinking of having McD breakfast. I'll probably go at 6 gua.

5.39am
Just started drizzling outside :) The sound of the rain keeps me sane somewhat.

6.20am
It's a cold, cold morning. Raining heavily. Hands and feet are freezing, going out soon I think. Just 2 more sentences to go!

7.30am
Off I go to Uni without my McD unfortunately!

8.25am
Library not opened! Sat down YouTubed some ventriloquist videos.

9.20am
Finally got started to working last minute to counter-check before printing.

10.30am
Printed! :D All done and dusted! Now to head home and crawl back into bed.

I WILL DEFINITELY NOT DO IT AGAIN!!

For You, and Your Denial

2011-10-31T11:16:00.006+08:00

In addition to their original album released in May, they just released an acoustic album covering all the songs last week! Now THAT'S really great for the fans.

Amidst all the cries of 'why buy when you can download for free?', I just had to get one of it (can you be a fan of something but only buy fake versions of their stuff lol?).

Problem is, I don't want to buy both- don't want to spend 100 bucks on CDs. So I decided to download the acoustic one, and wait to get the original one for Christmas *hint hint*.,

And I must say personally, I always liked alternative rock bands (seems that many people haven't heard of this genre before. Most said 'HUH?' when I told them I like alternative rock). Bands like BLG, All Time Low, Relient K, Simple Plan, The Fray- yes, all those.

This is one of the bands that sound nice live and without the autotuning (another example being Boyce Avenue, among a number of others). Taylor Swift is great too, but not as good live. Anyway just for comforts, neither does BLG at concerts. Frankly, why listen to rubbish on the airwaves currently like Ke$ha or Nicki Minaj when you have greater singers like Boyce Avenue, that don't get any airtime at all?

And I think this song is most app and interesting. The unmistakable violin intro. The rest you just have to listen for yourselves. Hopefully I'll get a few converts here :)

4am, you called to spit some fire out
Did you think that I would listen to you now?
It's nothing new so get in line with all the rest
And I will wait till you realize you're out of breath

Can you hear the crowd? They all go wild
For you and your denial
Watching you break down
Hate me all you want, I'll be okay
I'm half the world away
I'm letting you go now
Go now

You've got sadness twisted up with jealousy
Show your fists to make them look like loyalty
And I have seen what holding on can take away
If it's the past you love then that's where you can stay

Can you hear the crowd? They all go wild
For you and your denial
Watching you break down
Hate me all you want, I'll be okay
I'm half the world away
I'm letting you go now
Go Now

Desperation kills
But when it's on your sleeve you wear it well
Underneath it all, you'll always have this war inside yourself

I'm letting you go now

Can you hear the crowd? They all go wild
For you and your denial
Watching you break down
Hate me all you want, I'll be okay
I'm half the world away
I'm letting you go now
Go now

Last Kiss

2011-10-26T12:49:00.004+08:00

Better than the original.

That being said, there wouldn't be this version if it wasn't for Swift's. :)

The intro is 26 seconds short. But after that, you'll see (or rather, listen). Duet, anyone?

What's your purpose?

2011-10-17T21:02:00.006+08:00

I always struggle with writing proper introductions. Be it in essay form or story-telling form, it just doesn't seem to flow well for me. Ideas for factual essays are so hard to preconceive to me, mainly because it's pegging back on creativity- precisely what children were always encouraged to develop in the first place.

Anyway, I've been extremely busy for the past few weeks, no thanks to uni. Actually it was since the start of uni la pfft. Most of my activities during weekends have to be canceled (Dinners/Logos trip/Outings/Social life). Seems like 24 hours a day isn't enough. Most of the time I get so caught up with things, I tend to get discouraged, thus the mood swings. But smack right in the middle of the busyness of things, I got a rude awakening.

A lot of people seem to struggle with the idea and concept of life. I see some people (including my friends) questioning the meaning of life on social sites. There's this God-shaped void in them that people try to fill unsuccessfully with a myriad of things. Love. Work/studies. Money. Success. A lot of stuff. Most just go on and on, assignment after assignment, exam after exam, wondering what's the point of doing all these stuff just to exchange it for a piece of paper with an official stamp and a signature on it. Or jumping onto one relationship after another, wondering is this the one you should marry.

Due to datelines looming (actually it's more of no thanks to my procrastinating self) I was actually determined to to pull off an all-nighter to get my assignments done once and for all, even encouraged some of my course-mates to join in too lol. Took a mug of coffee around 2.30am and around 4am I thought, probably an all-nighter wasn't such a good idea after all! But then unfortunately, the caffeine started to kick in and I was hopelessly tossing and turning in bed. Red, tired eyes and a messed up mind were on hand to greet me the whole of today oomph!

You see, what I'm trying to illustrate is (hopefully), people try so hard to chase after the present (of course, I do it much of the time too I have to admit). Life is presently all about exams and studies that we (for me too personally) don't take time to pause and think. By the way it doesn't mean studies isn't that important, education is the ticket to success! What I mean is, that studies ain't everything there is. Work isn't everything. What we're so busy around pursuing 24/7 ain't all there is for us.

Rather, it's about taking a step back and get a whole new perspective on things. Rejoice with happiness. Deal with disappointments. Release the anger and frustrations. Get on with life. It's when you've found an external purpose in life which you're able to hold on to, things get better eventually, even on sucky days when everything and everything seem to go against you. Have faith, even though it's something you can't see.

I have a purpose in life, something eternal. Have you?

101 facts about me.

2011-10-14T22:17:00.010+08:00

Don't know if you can really read through the whole 101 of them, but here goes!

1. I'm tall at 6 feet.
2. I would like to think that I have pleasant facial features (to put it humbly).
3. My eyes are brown in colour :)
4. I can be boring if you talk to me about the weather. But give me a topic that I'm interested in and I can talk to you like nobody's business.
5. I like jap food! Especially buffets. Anyone? I used to be able to eat 10 California rolls at one go when i was a kid.
6. As much as I try to deny it (and I only discovered recently), I'm a perfectionist.
7. I don't DOTA (every girl's dream pfft).
8. Everyone always say that I'm so thin. Truth is, I can't get buff even though I eat 3 meals a day and tried going to the gym.
9. I kinda like shopping during mega sales or members' day :D don't care if it's crowded, I'll still go no matter what!
10. I have trust issues :x
11. Me shy. You come talk to me. Me happy.
12. That being said, I still make the first move sometimes if I see anyone sitting alone.
13. I think I'm cursed to be attached to the number 13. I get it everywhere.
14. When I was young I used to have a big collection of miniature cars and with my father, knock 2 of them together to see which one overturns first. I think I won most of the time.
15. I think the outer beauty of a girl is not that compelling a factor to me (although it's still important), it is character and personality. And of course she has to be in the same religion.
16. 16 is sort of my number. Unfortunately it hasn't brought me any success yet :D not like it's going to either.
17. I'm a nerd. Unfortunately, although I always deny it.
18. I like books *nerdy face* But I always can't finish reading them now that I have less time to myself. But I'll feel happy the whole day if I bought books for myself, even more if it's with a discount!
19. God is important to me. But sometimes I fail to live like he's present and I failed to consult Him first before making decisions. But I'm slowly learning.
20. I have to cover my legs with a blanket at night when I sleep because I'm afraid someone or something would touch me without warning.
21. I like horror movies. But I only can watch them with my hands over my eyes, leaving only 10% of the screen visible.
22. I have evolved to become an extremely blur creature.
23. Being an introvert, it's not we don't like to meet and talk to people, but sometimes we just need to have time alone to ourselves to recharge our 'batteries'.
24. Number 1 (ok maybe number 2) procrastinator.
25. I can spend my time at home doing nothing and wonder how I got through the day.
26. Me poor stress management. Girls have period, but just hand me stress and it'll have the same effect.
27. I can't study at home without getting distracted and walking about. That's why I always go out when exams are near.
28. You think YOU know everything about football? THINK AGAIN.
29. My Facebook account was created against my will. I was one of the last of my friends to get one ok.
30. The only thing I can get buff in is movies. Used to go to the cinema minimum twice a month ok!
31. I got number 1 in kindergarten for err most of the time. That's the only time that I can boast to people that I've gotten number 1 in class before -.-
32. I think I have vitamin B deficiency. Always get bouts of dizziness.
33. I have friends, yes. But not the ones that always ask me out, or hang out most of the time. the truth is, I don't stay near to my school mates or church mates, so it's hard to get involved with them. People say I have no friends, but it's not true. My 'current' friends are always the ones which I see everyday.
34. My wish is to make people around me happy. But I fail most of the time. Guess I'm not that friendly after all huh.
35. I'm into sports. You can all me the jack of all trades, but extremely good in none lol.
36. I do no smoking, no drugs, no sex, no foul language and what not. I'm the 'good boy'.
37. I'm popular- a lot of people know me. But not that popular after all, when it comes to finding people to hang out.
38. I sweat a lot, places where there is no air-cond.
39. I read newspapers. BUT I'M NOT UNCLE!
40. I like to complain. But yeah it's just complaining, so it'll be cool if you could bear with my constant nagging.
41. I used to judge people a lot. But that was until when people started to judge me.
42. I don't like junk food. but I like white chocs :D
43. That one friend that you can share everything to? It only applies to girls IMHO.
44. Getting hurt sucks. Big time.
45. I easily get downhearted. I need constant appreciation from people.
46. I like stuffed toys :) I still have a teddy beside my bed.
47. I think a lot, sometimes overthinking about stuff and jumping into conclusions.
48. I'm forgetful. Maybe it only started this year when my brain went haywire.
49. I would like to think I'm a responsible fellow. If you hand me something to do, I'll try to do my best (if I don't forget).
50. I feel uneasy when aunties call me 'handsome boy'. I get it too often that it becomes meaningless *chehhhhh* :D

Phew! Time to take a breather *insert commercial here*

OK! Ready? Here we go again for the last 50.

51. I write when I'm stressed. Hence the fanciful stories you see on this site.
52. I don't think I'm good in anything. I know I have good general knowledge, but when it comes to studies, I don't do as well as others.
53. I used to worry a lot when I was young. But it's better now thankfully :)
54. I prefer Admiral over Nike or Reebok. 2 of my shoes are of that brand.
55. Guess what? I don't think anyone comes to mind when you say 'best friend'.
56. And yes I have a total of 5 pairs of shoes -.- 2 Admirals, 1 worn out Nike, a leather working one and 1 worn out silver Fila.
57. I love food actually. Any type of food! But eating them is another story.
58. I would like to think that I'm a loyal shitz. Period.
59. I used to be stingy on myself. But me willing to buy 300 bucks worth of board games and a phone worth thousands with my own money doesn't suggest the affirmative. People change huh.
60. I think having 1 or 2 good and close friends is better than having a lot of them but none close to you. Still searching though.
61. I hAtE pEoPlE wHo TyPe LiKe ThIs.
62. Having a grudge is tiring. Better to apologize and have a clean slate of things. Builds character too :)
63. My mood swings are bad. On some days I'm worse than a girl on steroids who has period.
64. I feel like I'm a 50 year old man trapped in a young man's body. :x
65. I have a soft spot for Huskys.
66. Why I do have an unusually high percentage of Malay fans who happen to be females? It's scary :x
67. I don't like to listen to my voice. I never liked to watch myself on recordings cause I get real uneasy. There's a word for that condition, but I can't recall.
68. People say I'm selfish. To what extent? Am I really that bad?
69. I used to want to be a policeman when I was young. -.-
70. I feel that Malaysia is where I want to stay, even though it's not a perfect and often biased country.
71. I don't think Christians who advice/say 'follow your heart' are right. C'mon, it's God we should follow, right? Our hearts are already imperfect, it tends to be wrong sometimes. Seek God first, and it shall be given unto you in His time :)
72. I'm always connected to social sites. I'll feel disconnected if I go away on a holiday without the internet :x
73. I'm smack in the middle of assignments and mid-terms this coming week, yet I'm still blogging even though I'm short of time.
74. I dislike formal wear. Jeans and a polo tee or a normal T-shirt will do.
75. I'm vain. I do a lot of self-praise (SS). A thousand and one ways.
76. I tend to blow up small and insignificant things. Anyway it's no thanks to my ever-thinking mind that makes up scenarios.
77. The skin on my face is extremely thin. It's easy to get me to blush.
78. I'm a pessimist. I play down things from happening, mainly because if it didn't happen, I wouldn't be so disappointed.
79. I'm not a manly type of man. Although I try to be lol, but fail.
80. I always thought I'm a good and nice guy. But all it takes is for 1 heartbreak to realize that I'm actually not.
81. BLG, Yellowcard, Boyce Avenue - all current favourites! :) Notice they're all male bands.
82. My room is always messy. Come on it's actually quite sien laa, after vacuuming it becomes dusty again after a few days!
83. I get called names a lot, from Harry Potter to Famous Amos to Lee Hom hah! What next? Jack the Ripper?
84. I had my first Starbucks coffee, ate at Chilli's and been to Pavilion all only during college days. Underprivileged yo!
85. Caffeine has not much effect on me. Alcohol on the other hand....
86. I sleep unusually early for a teen. It was 10.30-11 during secondary school, 12.30-1ish during college.
87. I'm lazy. Lazee lazee lazee.
88. I always look everywhere to gain acceptance. But if people don't accept me the way I am, it's fine with me, I can't do anything.
89. I've got a bit of a low self esteem. I tend to punch under my weight. Me feeling like crap won't help it, so why feel that way? :) Everyday is a new day, look forward to tomorrow, you'll never know what surprise will be in store.
90. I'm glad this is finishing. Why did I even start it.

Last 10, I promise.

91. Sometime I feel like everyone is against me, especially friends. Like 1 small thing you didn't do or something like that, I would think that you hate me or find me annoying.
92. I dislike writing factual essays. It limits the creativity of the mind. All for story-telling ones!
93. I kinda like to poke fun at people from WMS, oops i mean XYZ. The people from there all one kind, if you notice lol.
94. I always have at least 1 bad habit at a time. Choose from excessive-blinking, neck-twisting and throat-clearing.
95. I find it hard to express myself with words. So I sometimes do it with silence instead.
96. People label me as emo. But I would like to think I'm better nowadays.
97. When I type :) I don't actually smile, neither do I when i type 'haha'. But if it's hahahaha or HAHAHAHAHA, then yes. HAHAHAHAHA!
98. I'm more of a thinker and analyzer, rather than a doer. That being said, it's certainly not a problem if I'm required to perform certain stuff.
99. The principle that I find quite meaningful: Do unto others what you want them to do unto you!
100. I'm glad I reached 100 stuff cause I'm impatient :/ have to really work on my patience as it has failed me for umpteenth times in the past, sometimes when I need it the most.

101. I'm Amos, the normal kid who is imperfect in every way. But when I'm imperfect, I'm made perfect. Striving to be the best I can, because even if I fail, I can say I've done my best.

The Truth

2011-10-10T22:00:00.009+08:00

(another production of My Mind)

Marianne glanced out the window of her 2nd floor bedroom in dismay.

"Ughhh not again! Didn't he get it already!" she groaned.

She buried her head in the pillow and tried to go back to sleep, but the soft thuds won't go away.

Finally she gave in, drew back the window and let out a hoarse whisper, "STOP THROWING THOSE PEBBLES YOU ASS! My house is already asleep, and if you wake any of them up, you'll see."

Toby glanced down awkwardly, with nothing to focus on because his belly was protruding enough to cover his shoes.

Way

to.

go, he thought.

"Uhmm.. I haven't thought of that. Sorry. Just wanted to talk to you."

"I already told you not to come see me. What is it you want?"

"Uhmm. I just wanted to see whether we can have group study tomorrow. See I have these questions that...."

"You walked 3 miles in the middle of the night just to ask me THIS??" she interpolated. "No I'm busy tomorrow Toby. Find someone else ok. Goodnight."

"But Marianne..." he couldn't finish his sentence as the window slammed shut.

***

The clock always seem so slow when you're bored, and so fast when you're in a hurry, thought Marianne as she twirled her pencil in her fingertips.

After what seemed like eternity, the bell rang for dismissal.

"You know. It's a long time since we did something together."

"Shopping?"

They all shrieked, like

Any.

Other.

Girl.

"We can totally go get dresses for the homecoming ball on Friday!" said Adriane enthusiastically.

"Oh I almost forgot about it. That's like in 2 days! Totally," Deb remarked. "What are you gonna wear, Marianne?"

"Hellloooo? Marianne? Stop daydreaming. Lawl."

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. I have yet to decide. We'll see alright?"

"I think I'll wear the pu... Hey I just remembered! Have you notice the way Mike stares at me? I think he wants me to ask me to homecoming."

"Oh my gosh, that's so cute Deb! I've already agreed Pedro that I'll be his date on Friday. What about you Marianne? Have anyone asked you yet?"

Silence.

"There must be, right? You're so pretty, no guy will be able to resist asking you," jested Deb.

"Huh? Uhh yeah. I mean, no. I haven't found a date yet."

Adriane shot her a puzzled look. "Are you ok Marianne? You don't seem yourself today."

"Yeah I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Let's stop worrying about me and let's go already."

They only took a few steps when...

"Hey Marianne! Wait up!"

They all turned to put a face to the voice.

Oh damn it's Toby again, thought Marianne. Sigh what on earth is he doing with a bunch of flowers?

"Oh err, Marianne. I was hoping I err... could ask you to be my date for homecoming." stuttered Toby.

"Wipe that grin off your face, bucko! Someone already asked me. I'm taken. Someone better than you." She was confident that he wouldn't even think that she was lying.

"Oh, that's ok. Here, this is for you, anyway."

He shoved the flowers towards Marianne but she just let it fall to the floor.

"I don't want anything from you ok! Just leave me alone!"

"Uhmm I was just tr..." started Toby.

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" she interrupted. "Let's go girls."

They both cast him a sympathetic look as 3 of them walked away.

***

They emerged finally after 5 hours, each carrying a handful of shopping bags.

After saying their goodbyes, Marianne proceeded down the street.

It's only a 10 minutes walk, she told herself. Besides, I need that exercise, sure beats taking a cab.

Humming a familiar tune, she casually strolled down the hill.

"Marianne!"

Marianne was filled with rage. The gods must have cursed me, it's HIM again!

She hastened her steps.

"Wait up Marianne! Those sure look heavy. I can help you to carry th..."

She finally exploded. "Just SHUT UP, you shit! I don't need you to help me or whatever Toby. Just get away from me. Just STAY AWAY."

Toby immediately turned red. "But I was just trying to be friendly. I thought that if..."

"JUST GO AWAY OK? I don't need you. Go find another girl to bug."

"But..."

"ENOUGH!" she turn around and ran.

Toby's eyes opened with fear, "Marianne WATCH OU..."

A sickening thud followed by a scream. The car screeched to a halt.

***

"Doctor, will... will...?"

"I can't say for sure. He's in pretty bad shape. I've given him the injections, only time will tell how long till he awakens. In the meantime try to let him rest alright?"

She paced around the cramped hospital room. It's all my fault, her guilty heart accused. I shouldn't have done those crap. He saved my life. I should have been the one lying there.

She sat in the corner of the room, lost in guilt.

Finally, she stood up to head to the door. Her eyes drifted to an envelope by the side table. It had her name on it. It must be from his pocket, she thought. Mustering all the courage she had, she finally unfolded the piece of paper inside. It read:

Marianne,

If you're reading this letter, you won't be seeing me anymore. My dad got a job out of town, and he got me into the school there. I had not many friends. They always made fun of my size. But you were different. You treated me like an actual friend, and it really meant a lot to me. But I guess I overdid it. I just wanted someone to call as my friend.

So I guess I'll not get to see you anymore. I'm sorry I became such a pain in the ass to you. I just want to thank you for being my friend, and I thank God for knowing someone like you. I guess this is goodbye.

Yours truly,
Toby.

Marianne was lost in deep thought. Tears formed in her eyes.

She got up.

Walking over towards Toby, she whispered into his ear:

'Change your mind'.

She could swear that he smiled.

My Side of it

2011-09-28T17:30:00.015+08:00

(author: my mind)

12.01pm

They both opened their eyes.

"Oh it's beautiful, Ryan! Gosh I can't believe this. I'm really surprised."

"Anything for you, my dear. I hope you like it."

Hand in hand and sun in their eyes, they both walked through the meadow, petals of flowers dancing around them, the ones like you only can find in romance films.

They reached the great big tree.

"Help me unpack these food, Danielle. I shall need all my strength to set up the mat."

"Haha don't be silly! But I like it when you are."

1.35pm

Minutes past like seconds. Laughter filled some of the time. Silence filled up part of the time too, as they were both busy lying in each other's arms.

"What are your plans tonight, Ryan? Shall we go catch a movie together?" queried Danielle. "I really want to watch this new one that was just released."

"Err no I can't actually. I've to go dinner with my family, we've been planning it for a long time. I'm so sorry, dear."

"That's ok. We've always got other days to do it right?"

6.47pm

Ryan's HTC buzzed just as he was getting ready to shower. A text from Danielle.

'Take care hon. Don't be back too late, if not the monsters will get you :) '

'Dumbo! It's just a family dinner. How late would it be?' he texted back.

'You have fun! Text me when you're back, hon.'

'Will do, dear.'

9.56pm

Danielle was dominating on COD when her Blackberry sounded.

Hmm ok, she frowned as she read the content:

'Met some of my friends there, I'll go hang out with them for a while yeah dear.'

With a shrug, 3 frags in quick succession took 'Pwn3rgal' to the top of the leaderboard.

11.44pm

She yawned as she glanced at the clock. He sure is having fun I suppose, thought Danielle as she glanced halfheartedly at her phone, expecting him to text at any moment.

'I'll just wait a little while longer, I guess I can stand it.'

12.25am

Finally she could wait no longer.

She texted,

'HI I'M SURE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOURSELF WITH A BUNCH OF GIRLS NOW WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING. Cause I miss you.'

She could feel her temperature rising as she read the reply,

'Uhh don't worry I only went drinking with some pals. There are girls too but nahh I'm not interested in them.'

'But I miss you, and I want you to keep me company,' she tried. 'I don't like my boy going out till too late at night. Besides, we've got class tomorrow in the morning remember? I want you back NOW! I'm afraid you'll get drunk and do stupid stuffs.'

'Can't I have some time for myself? Why are you so clingy?'

1.16am

"I'm back, dear." he called.

"Ryan John Smith! I've been waiting for you here since 12 something. Don't you care about me anymore?"

"I think you're being unreasonable. I was just out for a lil while dear," he cooed. "I was thinking abo..."

"Don't call me DEAR! I don't want to see you anymore! I want this settled once and for all! It's either me, or your endless drinking habits at some random club each time."

"I can't give up the clubs dear, but..."

"Then we're done! Don't come talk to me anymore."

"But wait, I..."

*dialing tone*

Ryan sighed as he put down the phone. I'm sure she'll be feeling better tomorrow as this isn't the first time it's happening, he thought to himself.

7.30am

Strange, she isn't here this morning, puzzled Ryan as he made his way through the back of the class.

He sent a text, but received no reply. He tried calling but it went straight into voice mail.

Ryan started to get a little worried. Hmm that's weird, he thought to himself. She's usually ok by now.

11.45am

Ryan made a mad dash towards her house as soon as the bell rang, Barely stopping to hold the door open for a group of elderly ladies (which was what he normally does).

11.58am

"Aunty! Is Daniellle at home?" he manged to spit out in bated breaths as he stumbled onto her front porch.

"She hasn't left her room all day. I thought she didn't have classes today."

Ryan sprinted up the stairs, 2 at a time. Without knocking, he barged into her room.

Her room was neatly arranged, as usual. But the spot on the wall where there was once his photo, was gone. Her suitcase was gone, together with half of her wardrobe.

Downstairs, the grandfather clock struck 12.

I've lost her in 24 hours.

2.6 years later.

"Hell, this party is awesome man! Thanks for inviting Amber and I along."

"My pleasure. Parties are my specialties. Booze included."

Chuckles all around.

Ryan made his way through the crowd to the drinks table, since Amber was busy chatting with others.

Suddenly he froze. It was the person he least expected to see. And the worst thing is, she saw him too.

"Umm hi Danielle. Didn't expect to see you here." My gosh, she still looks as beautiful as before, he thought. It seems like it's been forever.

"Hi Ryan." I can't stop staring at him, he didn't change one bit, thought Danielle.

"Umm so how are things?"

"I'm good. How's Amber?"

OMG how did she know about Amber? "She's good too," replied Ryan.

Little does anyone know, I'll pick you over any girl I'm with, Danielle.

He's probably happy now, thought Danielle. He doesn't even want to look at me.

"I missed you, Danielle."

He doesn't mean it, he loves someone else now. "Ok," she muttered.

"A hug?" offered Ryan.

She complied.

*****

Ryan went home that night, unable to shake it off his mind.

*I held her for the last time. I lost her.* He broke down.

Danielle went home that night, after changing into nightclothes, sat down on her bed.

*He gave me a friendly hug, that's all. I love him* She broke down.

Last night

2011-09-26T12:29:00.008+08:00

I turned around, and there you were. In a long blue gown, standing right in front of me. Somehow there was just you and me.

Why did you agree to meet me alone? On your wedding day.

But at 20? Why? You're only 20, goodness sakes!

Why did you even agree to meet me here? I stiffened a smile and exchanged some small talk, but I wasn't concentrating. After all these while, it felt like yesterday. You still look as stunning as ever, with that radiant face I'll never forget- only one word to describe it: beautiful.

Picture that Mary Jane Watson scenario.

I didn't understand. Why? Why.

I made my way into the pews.

My muscles tense.

The preacher begins the ceremony. Turned to the man beside her,

"Will you take this woman as your wedded wife?"

"I..."

NOOOOOOOO

I woke up.

And after some self-comforting, I made myself go back to sleep.

It Depends

2011-09-20T17:44:00.000+08:00

This is becoming more of a public journal than anything. ~~But anyway a blog is a public journal.~~

3 weeks in, and so far it's ok. The place's not really that beautiful- if you want to compare with the others which requires you to pay more- but it's sufficient for me as I don't really mind, as long as the toilets (and maybe classrooms) are up to standard.

I hate the process of making new friends all over again from scratch. That being said, it's not like I have much friends I already know at the current place I am. But it's a necessary thing la no matter where you go, can't be avoided. In the meantime I'm good, slowly getting to know more people. Talked to some seniors, and all of them told me it'll be practically impossible to get to know everybody in your batch; unlike the good old days of 0907, where everyone knew everyone. Tell a joke, spread a rumor, go hang out, everyone knows who you're talking about. And it was just so comfortable to be able to just talk to anyone you see cause you know them and vice versa. It's all different now, and expectedly so- it's a different phase of life. Just take it as getting to meet and know more people and hey, it's not so bad after all ~~plus number of facebook friends increase~~ :)

But I guess what my parents and maybe other kepoh friends who knows about the story want to know is this: How am I coping with that major issue? Well I wish it could be an instant process, but it takes time la. No point hurrying or rushing it over, one of the things I've learned. The fear of the unknown makes me cringe, but I know all it's according to God's will la. He will do things that you never thought will happen, and it's really comforting to know. Besides, I wouldn't have been here in the first place if it wasn't for that 'intervention'. So in the meantime, I'll just play my part and do whatever I should be doing.

But I'm sure much good will turn out from it, who knows.

Reminded from camp that: God doesn't want perfect people, rather He uses imperfect people like us to accomplish His will. I don't want to be perfect either, people would feel insecure around me, especially my other half in the future. Imperfections remind me that I still have a lot more praying and trusting to do, but of course I have to try to be the best I can be from now on, like giving 100% in all I do. Easier said than done, but achievable.

Any last words?

the Emotions and Fears

2011-09-10T21:38:00.004+08:00

All the bottled up emotions inside - the happiness, anger, confusion, distress, excitement, helplessness. I suck it all in, and let it go in one quick burst. That's what hurts.

I'm 20. But I don't feel like 20.

I may look strong outwardly and in confidence now, but I don't hide from confessing that I feel weak. There's is no shame in displaying my weakness, cause in weakness comes strength.

I'm fearful. Fearful of so many things.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear to love.

Fear of what I believe in.

Fear of what I fight for.

Fear of my future.

But God, I'll trust you. As I've been doing all these while, though not always consistently for the past 20 years.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear nothing, cause you are with me and you'll comfort me in times of trouble, someway, somehow. When I am weak, I am strong.

Take it all away.

I asked, God gave.

2011-09-06T22:58:00.001+08:00

Be The Young ♥

2011-09-03T22:54:00.001+08:00

Their last track from the latest album. Definately saved the best for last!

I made these wishes with you
Went coast to coast
And we both felt so alive (so alive)
We traded safe for something we just had to be
And we almost lost our minds (lost our minds)
But we're still here searching

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless and I know
Growing up has just begun
But theres a place
We could find
Where this pain is useless
And we'll forever be the young

Summer came and flew by twice as fast
It was close enough to feel
And after all this waiting for skies to fall
I need this to be real
Oh, please let it be real

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless and I know
Growing up has just begun
(Growing up has just begun)
But theres a place
We could find
Where this pain is useless
And we'll forever be the young
(Forever be the young)

Where I was broken I am healed
I learned to fight
I learned to feel
And I cant believe my eyes
You are still here next to me
All I need you're all I see
In this life we hope to find

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless and I know
Growing up has just begun
(Growing up has just begun)
But theres a place
We could find
Where this pain is useless
And we'll forever be the young
(Forever be the young)

This is loud
This is cold
This is endless and I know
(We'll forever be the young)
This is loud
This is cold
This is endless and I know
(We'll forever be the young)
It's endless and I know

The Difference

2011-09-01T16:18:00.002+08:00

I got up early one morning,
and rushed into the day.
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,
and heavier came each task,
"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered
He answered "you didn't ask".

I wanted to see joy and beauty
but the day toiled on, grey and black
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, "But you didn't seek".

I tried to come into God's presence-;
I used all my keys at the lock.
God gently and lovingly chided,
"My child, you didn't knock".

I woke up early this morning,
and pause before entering the day.
I had so much to accomplish,
that I had to take time to pray.

-Author unknown

It's August!

2011-08-13T21:47:00.005+08:00

The new English Premier League will be starting in a few minutes time.

So is the Fantasy Football Season! :D

1st week is always the hardest to pick! Sorry for the blur picture, but its the best I could do to show my team. :)

Play the game here!

Amoso iso ao Procrastinato

2011-08-04T23:47:00.002+08:00

Penang trip tomorrow!

But *drum roll*,

I've not yet started packing! Wait till tomorrow la.

Whatever. ;)

All we wanna do is:

2011-08-02T12:26:00.004+08:00

run

Run

RUN far away

Running from problems is never the solution.

Facing it, taking it all on your chest, absorbing it, letting it go and then finding a solution when you're calm

IS.

That's why I smile.

Who am I?

2011-07-31T01:12:00.001+08:00

I am weak.

I keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

I still have so much to learn.

I am weak. I get angry for no reason at all. I snap at people under the slightest provocation. I get angry if you're late. I'm mad if a fly landed on my food. My boiling point is so low :( I'm so naive. I'm 20. I'm a monster. Who am I?

I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, even when I promise myself that I won't do it again! Each time I do it, I immediately feel so guilty, wishing I could take back what I just said. I really thought I had a grip on it, now that I managed to sort myself out. But apparently I don't know myself.

I can't do it alone. No girl for a fact would want to go through it all with me if I don't do something about it first myself. I'm trying so hard, I believe I can do it one day if I move forward bit by bit. And make everyone proud of me.

I need to relearn everything I've learned.

Constructive criticism.

"You're doing good, but it could be better if you added this picture into it"
rather than
"You do like that wrong and not nice. Add this picture nicer."

or

"It would really make me happy if you could take out the garbage tonight"
rather than
"Go take out the garbage now, it's your turn"

Constructive arguments.

Listening to what the other has to say + insert positive interjections at the beginning of sentences + placing yourself in their shoes + compromising

Specific to the point: eg, "I like your outgoingness. But I don't like you going out till too late at night. I get worried about your safety, because I care about you. But I'm willing to let you if you drive slower on the way home.
rather than
Filtering what the other said + insisting that you are right + sulking + being general about the situation:
eg, "You always come home late. I don't care what excuse it is, you always never listen to me. I don't want to talk about it."

Sigh it's all easier said than done. God help me. I hope you could too, but then...

Who am I kidding.

Tale of 2 carrots

2011-07-28T00:17:00.001+08:00

There are some things you can't see, like the future. You just have to believe.

:'(

2011-07-26T23:08:00.001+08:00

Boy: Hey, hun!
Girl: Hey.
Boy: I missed you at school today. Why weren't you there?
Girl: Yeah, I had to go to the doctor.
Boy: Oh really? Why?
Girl: Oh, nothing. Just some annual shots, that's all.
Boy: Oh.
Girl: So what did you guys do in Math today?
Boy: You didn't miss anything that great, just a lot of notes.
Girl: Okay, good.
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Hey, I have a question to ask.
Boy: Okay, ask away.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Boy: You know I love you more than anything in this world.
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Why did you ask?
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Is something wrong?
Girl: No. Nothing at all. Um. How much do you care about me?
Boy: I would give you the world in a heartbeat if I could.
Girl: You would?
Boy: Yeah of course I would. *sounding worried* Is there something wrong?
Girl: No, everything's fine.
Boy: Are you sure?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Okay. I hope so.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: I would take a bullet for you any day, hun.
Girl: Really?
Boy: Any day. Now, seriously, is there something wrong?
Girl: No, I'm fine. You're fine. We're fine. Everyone and everything is fine.
Boy: Okay.
Girl: Well, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow at school.
Boy: Alright, bye. I love you!
Girl: Yeah. I love you too. Bye.

THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL

Boy: Hey, have you seen my girlfriend today?
Friend: No.
Boy: Oh.
Friend: She wasn't here yesterday, either.
Boy: I know. She was acting all weird on the phone last night.
Friend: Well, dude, you know how girls are sometimes.
Boy: Yeah, but not her.
Friend: I don't know what else to say, man.
Boy: Okay, well I gotta get to English. I'll see ya after school.
Friend: Yeah I gotta get to Science. Later.

THAT NIGHT

Girl: Hello?
Boy: Hey.
Girl: Oh, hey.
Boy: Why weren't you at school today?
Girl: Uh, I had another appointment with the doctor.
Boy: Are you sick?
Girl: Um, I have to go. My mom’s calling on the other line.
Boy: I’ll wait.
Girl: It may take a while. I’ll call you later.
Boy: Alright. I love you.

-very long pause-

Girl: *with a tears in her eyes* Look, I think we should break up.
Boy: What?!
Girl: It’s the best thing for us right now.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I love you.

THE GIRL DOESN’T COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE

Boy: Hey dude.
Friend: Hey.
Boy: What’s up?
Friend: Nothing. Hey, have you talked to your ex lately?
Boy: No.
Friend: So you didn’t hear?
Boy: Hear what?
Friend: Um, I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you…
Boy: Dude, just tell me!
Friend: Uh. Call this number, 433-555-3468.
Boy: Okay, thanks!

BOY CALLS THE NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL

Voice: Hello, Suppam County Hospital. This is Nurse Victoria.
Boy: Uh, I must have the wrong number. I’m looking for my friend.
Voice: What is their name, sir?
*boy gives info*
Voice: Yes, this is the right number. She’s one of our patients here.
Boy: Really? Why? What happened? How is she?
Voice: Her room number is 646 in building A, suite 3.
Boy: WHAT HAPPENED?!
Voice: Please come by, sir, and you can see her. Goodbye.
Boy: WAIT! NO!

THE BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM 646, BUILDING A, SUITE 3. THE GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.

Boy: Oh my God, are you okay?
Girl: *silence*
Boy: Dear, talk to me!
Girl: I..
Boy: You what?
Girl: I have cancer and I’m on life support.
Boy: *breaks into tears*
Girl: They're taking me off tonight.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t .
Boy: Why didn’t you tell me?
Girl: I didn’t want to hurt you.
Boy: You could never hurt me.
Girl: I just wanted to see if you felt about me the same as I felt about you.
Boy: Huh?
Girl: I love you more than anything. I would give you the world in a heartbeat. I would die for you and take a bullet for you.
Boy: *crying*
Girl: Don’t be sad. I love you and I’ll always be there with you.
Boy: Then why did you break up with me?
Nurse: Young man, visiting hours are over.

The boy leaves and later that night the girl is taken off of life support and dies, but what the boy didn’t know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time. She only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks left to live and thought that it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.

NEXT DAY

The boy is found dead with a gun in one hand and a note in the other.

THE NOTE SAID:
“I told her that I would take a bullet for her, just like she said she would die for me.”

Hope

2011-07-24T18:33:00.001+08:00

Cause you'll find things when and where you least expect them.

Letter to my future wife

2011-07-22T00:56:00.004+08:00

My dearest future wifey (whoever you may be),

Congrats on deciding to breed into the Gan clan. ;) I'm sure this decision you made was through much consideration and thinking. And I hope it was the most important decision you've decided to make thus far. Living with me is not gonna be all a bed of roses, though I very much wish it could be (who wouldn't) :) And hereby to warn you of things to come.

Firstly, I wish I could boast of being an manly man, but I'm a metro, strong and silent type of male. I hope you didn't fall for my looks, but mainly my heart and personality. I chose you not purely because you're beautiful and desirable, but because you're able to complement me in areas that I'm lacking in, and to complete me. And also because we share the same faith and the same principles in life.

It's not going to be easy being my wifey (sorry to scare you).

You have to stand my temper most of the time. I really need a lady who is patient enough to calm me down and tahan me when I'm mad. When you're mad, I'll try my really best to be patient as well but my patience level still needs some improvement hehe. But I'll work on it.

You also have to stand my silence sometimes. I don't know how you fell for this boring guy here, he's quiet and not a natural talker unless its sports or movies or food. Don't get me wrong, you know that I can be hyper and talk as well! But sometimes I may not say anything, and as usual wives as women, they complain. But the truth is, I feel glad every moment I get to be around you even when I don't say a word. It's your presence that makes me feel happy and satisfied. Even if we got nothing much to talk about sometimes, doing things together with you is what I enjoy, whether its a walk or breakfast or watching TV together.

If I do something sweet or nice, complement me. If I do something hurtful or say something nasty, tell and remind me again cause I might tend to be forgetful and ignorant. If you're not happy about something in me, tell me gently or sternly (depending on the situation). Man's ego is high, they want to be thought of as 'always right'. It takes a good wife to bring them back to earth.

I may find it unnatural of me to express of my feelings and love all the time. I hope you'll be able to understand, and prompt me to help me learn. If you don't feel appreciated or loved,do take time to remind me. I might not have realized that I don't treat you special enough for your liking, and I'll try my very much to make you feel special. I may not be naturally good at it, you'll have to help and guide me and I'll willingly learn. :)

If I'm having a bad day or have something troubling me, talk to me about it. I tend to keep things inside and only share with people that I trust. And my wifey is the one that I can share my feelings with and be honest about it.

You'll have to understand too that being quiet doesn't mean I'm anti-social. I have many friends, but don't have a lot of good friends. I can't even think of a person I can call my best friend over the past few years. I don't go out a lot often, but if people ask me out, I'll certainly make an effort to be present cause I enjoy the company of people. Being alone is no fun, and having people around you is better than being by yourself.

I can't promise you wealth, or health. But I certainly can promise you my love, happiness and comfort.

And I though may not be the best guy on the planet you can marry, but I'm the one who loves you the most just the way you are. And I'm always trying to improve myself for the better, and also to grow more in love with you day by day. We may not only always have good times together, but I pray we'll cherish the good times and really work it out during the bad times and stick by each other too for comfort and support.

I hope you made the right decision is marrying me B. Cause I know I did when I found you.

Lots of ♥

Amos

Cartoons

2011-07-21T09:24:00.003+08:00

*and old drafted post which I decided to post now*

So what is it about cartoons?

Nowadays cartoons have evolved.

From entertainment, to violence.

Please do compare and contrast the cartoons from past and present.

Ben 10 - boy with a watch fighting evil.
Teen Titans - another monster fighting show.
Sponge Bob - err sometimes funny, but its ok.

And the 'older' ones! Which I can still remember.

Tom and Jerry - show me someone who doesn't like it, and I'll tell you how many eyes you have :)
Looney Tunes - Mickey and Gang (y)! I used to have a few Mickey cassettes (those days), and my parents complain that I watch it over and over everyday and still don't get bored.
Legends of the Hidden Temple - a cool Nick game show which i religiously follow lol.

Other Nick cartoons - Kenan & Kel hahaha, Figure It Out (the green slimy game show), Double Dare
Banana in Pajamas :D

And alot alot of other new ones which keep on coming till most grown ups can't keep up.

Awww sho sweet quote from Mei Xian about Tom and Jerry.

Sometimes, memories are there to remind us about the good times.

Taylor Swift

2011-07-19T09:35:00.002+08:00

Let's just take a break from the religious stuff for a while :D

And have a celeb review and a small debate.

Yes its this girl we're looking at today. And why oh why do I suddenly feel like comparing her to a ~~garbage truck~~ dumpster haha? (no offence to Taylor fans, just a light jest)

Did you know she has a song (or maybe a few) for every guy that she dated and dumped?

It certainly sucks to be her ex ;) cause you know a song is coming up sooner or later.

Anyway it's not my intention to criticize her here.

Let's take a look at some of her songs. I hope I got the summaries right.

In "Teardrops on my guitar", she sings about how everytime Drew looks at her, she can't breathe and how much she wants him.

In "Love story", its about a Romeo and Juliet story, family objections and a happy ending.

In "Today was a fairytale", she feels like she's in a fairytale whenever Prince Charming is around with her.

In "You belong with me", she speaks about wanting the cute guy who happens to be her next door neighbour and good friend.

In "Fifteen", she talks about how its like being 15 years old.

In "Back to December", she regretted her initial actions and wishes she could turn back time to reconcile with the guy she dumped.

In "White Horse", she rejects the guy persuasion to get back together even though she still loves him. And it's really sad I guess :'(

No doubt she's got talent, I don't deny the fact. I find some of her songs attractive too. Some people really love country music- Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, Shania Twain, Carrie Underwood, (latest sensation) Scott Mccreery and many others. For me, its so-so la for my tastes :) But HEY! I like her personality and the way she presents herself. The most important thing for me about girls is personality :) everything after that is a bonus! Haha girls girls girls pfft.

Anyway notice how all her songs centers around a theme, relationships. And 80% guesstimate, emo ones.

So, why does all of her relationships end up bad? Different commitments? Cheating partners? Lack of time spent? Not her type of guy?

I'm not Taylor, so I obviously don't know. We can speculate all we want though we'll never know. But do we date just to enjoy the moment and company of the partner, or do we all date to have marriage in mind as the end product? That's something to think about :)

Maybe you're saying that, gahhh I'm just jealous I don't have her charm and talent.

Well, you could say so.

I unconsciously judge people each time. Sometimes we all do that too. I have to remind myself time and time again that its not for me to judge them. I can have opinions, but I have to learn to live with them and respect their differences. It's definately easier said than done, but its something to work on.

And I find that I like to be controlling. Controlling in preventing people from doing what I cannot do. Or getting people to agree with my decision as the best one.

I remember me last time, if I couldn't have something, like a new piece of clothing or even an expensive stick of ice-cream, then no one could. Or maybe me enjoying something nice, and not wanting my siblings to have the same treatment. That's the selfish nature of me.

Anyway Miss Taylor, I'm in no position to advice you stuff. But if I could, I'll say: try to be a more positive role model. You certainly have talent, use it for the good, girl. You have a very wide and growing audience. Try avoiding writing songs all about guys you've dumped.

Let the young people have hope and to motivate them, maybe in the future you could write some songs about how you experienced sticking with a guy, getting married and living happily ever after :) That would be great for you and fans alike to know that its not just a fairy tale living happily ever after, its do-able :D (not a judgement, just an opinion)

Oh, and yeah that could be a song as well.

My decision, and yours too

2011-07-18T10:46:00.001+08:00

"Are you cold and lost in desperation?"
Iridescent- Linkin Park

I certainly didn't become a religious freak overnight. And I'm still not considered one.

(All of the below is just part of my humble opinion.)

Research and evidence shows that when 2 people face the same crisis and are forced to work together (whether being study buddies, getting stuck on an island or whatever), mutual attraction usually grows they somehow get drawn to each other.

But through me getting directionally lost and in desperation, I turned to God. I know I shouldn't had gone to Him as a last resort. But I still did.

Yellowcard said in their song 'Sing for me' (taken off their new album):

"Follow your heart its never wrong"

Well, is it true? Can we actually follow our heart to make the correct decision?

For an atheist's point of view, YES! Why not? If you think it's right, just do it. They feel that everything is up to them to change. Their past, present and future is in their hands. Not to say that its wrong to change things how to want to be in your life, but they think everything is up to themselves. Me, me, me. Its a self-centered thinking.

However for us who feel that, that not all there is to it, you're correct. No matter what God you believe in, I'm sure we all believe there is a far more superior power at work surrounding us.

In my case, I'm a Christian. I make all kinds of decisions daily, some wrong, some right. That's perfectly normal since I'm only human. But I haven't thought of this: that I hadn't taken God into account of all the major decisions I made.

The human heart is weak (blame it on Adam hehe). My heart is weak, I easily make mistakes and do things that I know I shouldn't have. We have so much weaknesses and faults in us. That's why we need someone greater than us to help us in our decisions.

True la of course, I don't have to ask God for some minor stuff like what am I going to eat for dinner tonight, KFC or McD. Or should I get a HTC or an Apple. But the question is, where do we draw the line for God to be a part of our lives?

In some cases, following your heart may ring true. For example: your boss needing you to make split-second decision for an ongoing project, you have to follow your heart at that point because you have no time to think it over.

However, things like pondering over which university to go to. Or which girl/guy should I date and marry. Or what career should I pursue. Things and decisions like these which require time to think over and will adversely affect our future, we should remember that we are not alone. God gave us family to be there for us. And if it still fails, there is still God himself.

I'm not saying we should only get God involved in big things only, and push God out in the small decisions we make. Rather, pray for wisdom to make the correct decisions in life whether big or small and ask for God's help when we feel lost and helpless.

Cause I'm sure God will be all too happy to help if we ask for it. Whether the help comes presently or in the future, God will always be there for us.

So how do we know whether its God's will for us in a matter? I mentioned it before right here in an older post.

I finally knew why God allowed it to happen to me.

He saw that I was drifting far and He wanted to draw me back.

Initially I resisted like hell, refusing to believe and turn back.

But then I realized, all along God wanted it to happen this way. So that I can make up my mind in so many other ways. And also to learn from my mistakes and be a better person. I can say that yes, I'm still in a learning process and one day I will be better.

So the question is:

Will you let God be in control of the decisions you make?

The choice is yours (jabs finger). :)

There's 1!

2011-07-17T00:28:00.002+08:00

A pair of shorts - RM39.90

Whiteboard Planner - RM 54.95

~~Digital Magazine - RM24.90~~

Sunglasses - RM 80++

Total spent: RM24.90

Balance still required: RM199.75-RM24.90= RM174.85

3 to go.

Patience

2011-07-16T11:02:00.000+08:00

Anything can happen within the next 5 years.

So, why worry about tomorrow? :)

My wishlist

2011-07-12T23:03:00.004+08:00

I want so many things now pfft.

A pair of shorts - RM39.90

Whiteboard Planner - RM 54.95

Digital Magazine - RM24.90

Sunglasses - RM 80++

Total: RM~~199.80(maths fail pfft)~~199.75++

Money come from where? :(

But not all things i wish for can be attached with a price.

Bend it like Bersih

2011-07-10T17:58:00.002+08:00

If this were me, I would have set it as my Facebook profile picture for life.

6th of July

2011-07-06T23:12:00.004+08:00

It feels just like any other day when it could have been something (played over so many different scenes in my head).

Although nothing really extraordinary happened today, being able to live each day is a extraordinary thing for me. :)

I choose to think it as a glass half full.

Rather than a glass half empty.

Hakuna Matata

2011-07-01T08:45:00.002+08:00

"It's our motto."

"What's a motto?"

"Nothing. What the motto with you?" AHHH-HAHAHAHAHA! :D

Despite being so many years ago, I still can remember some of the lines and sing along to it! ♥

Good times.

Taste like chicken. :)

Smileys!

2011-06-26T20:12:00.003+08:00

I don't worry anymore! (:

My 300th post.

2011-06-22T09:25:00.003+08:00

When you think that you're so messed up, you're so pissed with everything and you feel nothing can make it right again, remember this:

Faith

2011-06-20T22:03:00.002+08:00

I've never blamed or judged anyone for what happened.

Not God, not you, not anyone.

Don't blame yourself or be angry.

I've learned to forgive and pray.

Cause I know its the best thing that I can do right now.

How to know whether it is God's will?

2011-06-20T09:13:00.004+08:00

#1 It MUST ALWAYS be biblical for a start. [/] check

#2 God will provide counsel through the wiser people (not just peers) around you and through leaders. [ ] partially checked

#3 God makes use of circumstances to guide us. [/] check

#4 A peace of mind will rule in our hearts if it is God's will. [/] check

...

2011-06-19T22:19:00.003+08:00

Am I turning into something I didn't want to be?

Am I really that annoying? Am I really a bad person with a good heart?

Am I really a bugger? Am I that innocent but with a sinister meaning?

Maybe I'm too oblivious to my surroundings? My family always said so, I'm always the last to know anything.

I have so many questions, but no answers.

Sigh if only I knew.

I'm so sorry. I did it unintentionally I didn't mean it. Please forgive me for all the things I caused.

Love,
Amos.

Thanks Daddy!

2011-06-19T00:22:00.003+08:00

It normal to say that you love your moms.

But I guess its awkward for every grown son to express their feelings for their father. Man to man talk is hard sometimes.

But still want to wish, a

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

Thank you for being a generous father to me. You always try to give the best for me, and love and to accept me the way I am.

Although this song is more suitable for a daughter to give to their dads (and by the way its an oldie so most probably you've heard it before), I hope you will be touched too!

And yeah this song speaks a lot about a father's love. I can't guarantee you won't shed a tear after listening to it :')

My letter to God

2011-06-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

Dear God,

It's my first letter I've written to you. I hope my mail reaches where you are.

I've got so many things I want to ask you.

I want to know my future.

I want to know what's in store for me.

I want to know why you let these things happen to me.

I want to know why you made me a boy.

I want to know why you made me, me.

I want to know what should I study, follow parents or my intuitions?

I want to know whether she is the one.

I want to know countless things.

If you'd let me, God.

Yours sincerely,

Confused Amos

**********

Dearest Amos,

If only you were in my shoes (but we don't really wear shoes here cause the pavement is made of gold, the sole might scratch the surface hah! *smiley*), you would smile knowingly at those mortals who ask those kind of questions.

My son, you don't have to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap, yet I still feed them, and they survive. What more about you! If I care about the birds and animals, what more you, that I've died for so that you may live!

You may not fully understand what is happening to you. But I intended all these to happen so that my will would be done in your life. You just have to trust me, and in time I will show you step by step what I've planned out for you.

In My time, everything is possible.

Does that answer your questions?

ps. don't forget to call my hotline often if you need help! :-)

Always Lovingly,
God

My Inspiration

2011-06-16T23:53:00.007+08:00

... is not everywhere.

Everyday is so hard to pass.

But I know I can do it,

Love Speaks Through Us..

2011-06-15T23:24:00.001+08:00

by an anonymous author

If the heart could speak,
what would it say?
We try and tell of the feelings
that are deep within us from day to day.

Love is a vast emotion,
it can fill you up inside..
It can rip you apart and leave you questioning Why?

But Love was given to us as a gift
so precious and divine.
So that we can share it with others,
so that the light may through us shine.

Some of us look from day to day
desperately to just feel it.
Some of us sort through out thoughts
just trying to figure out how to reveal it.

One does not know the key to it's mystery that runs deep.
It exists always,
even while we sleep.

Love was given for a reason..
It is truly just to share.

An emotion to show someone else,
how deep down we really care!

The Future

2011-06-13T23:29:00.004+08:00

People often tell you to forget about the past.

But I read about, and recently discovered myself.

The only way to heal broken heart,

is not to FORGET

but to FORGIVE.

I've already did. (:

Love is..

2011-06-12T21:37:00.005+08:00

Many people don't realize that this profound 'poem' or lines are actually taken from the bible.

What 'poem', you're asking?

Today's sermon was about marriage. But as I'm too young too fully understand the implications of it yet, but I certainly know what to make of 1 Corinthians chapter 13:

¹ If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I tried to create a mental check-list for myself. And I admit I still am lacking in 3 of the areas, mainly patience, rude and easily angered.

But I'm still constantly trying to improve myself.

Always will.

Without you

2011-06-10T19:30:00.003+08:00

I don't eat right.

I don't act right.

I don't think right.

I feel so weak without you.

And as cheesy as it may sound,

I don't want you.

I need you.

Hah and yeah almost every sentence begins with an 'I'.

Cause now, that's where 'You' come in (:

Love

2011-06-07T00:54:00.004+08:00

You love her so much till your veins are bursting each time you think of her.

You think of her all the time, even in your dreams- 5 times a week. And all you want to do it to tell her how you actually feel.

You feel like you can do anything, even climbing a mountain, when you see her smile. You'll do anything to see her smile. Though people might not agree with you, you think she's the prettiest thing eva!

But you can't tell her how much you love her.

Now, I kinda know how Spidey felt, even if he was fictional.

People tell me that it's some shitty puppy love. But I'm having none of it. Not because I'm stubborn.

Cause I know it's true.

Denial plasters the pain with a bandage, but fails to stop the bleeding.

However having said all that, I wouldn't mind for myself being alone in the meantime, because I know and am confident

that God has already planned out the ultimate love story for me.

Even before I was born.

It's alright.

P.s. I guess I share this for the best of interests. Please do not make fun or pity me. I'm constantly trying to improve myself to be a better person, and also to be more open and confident from now on. Since I couldn't find anyone to share with (other than family), why not share with everybody!

P.p.s. Even if you see this, I don't want you to make a decision now or be mad. Just hold your Maker's hand and see where He leads you. Always keep the faith and not forget. Pray. Are you satisfied with your current ~~disorientated~~ lifestyle?

Doing it the hard way

2011-06-04T22:49:00.003+08:00

*****
(edited post)

The month of May has not been easy for me.

It's a month of a lot of trials, soul searching, self-examination and also will-power.

For me personally, May has been a month that I thought the most about who I currently am, what I've become and how I handle situations. And I'm not pleased to say I was doing a good job at it all these while.

These 3 months has been a beast. As they say, "an idle man/woman is the devil's workshop", and I believe that it is true. All sorts of things can happen in that period of time. I long to study once again to keep myself busy, and also to ensure my brain doesn't degrade.

For once I opened my eyes and looked at the big picture. Maybe all along, this was a wake up call to search and try myself. To dig out all the imperfectness in me, and take them all to make me into a better person.

Therefore I will try to improve myself and hopefully see the end results. So that I may turn out for the better in the future.

So I will be patient. And wait.

May God use me to bless others in return.

All about muscles

2011-06-03T17:24:00.002+08:00

I'm going to be cuter because

I'm going to the gym.

From this,

To this!

Hopefully =x

Nuffnang!

2011-06-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

I've been a blogger (albeit not a very active one) for a long long time. And all the while I resisted letting an ad company dabble with my blog.

But now, I'm pleased to announce that Nuffnang is now on the blog! :D

See those advertisements on the right hand side of the page? Those are my ads. And it'll help me more if I get more unique clicks just for start.

Thank yous! (:

Choose Life

2011-06-01T11:14:00.009+08:00

"Do not team up with those who are unbelievers.
How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness?
How can light live with darkness?"
2nd Corinthians 6:14
NLT translation

What are you talking about, Amos?

Why bring up this issue?

Why bother to talk about Christian stuff?

Firstly, sharing about religious stuff doesn't come naturally to me. I mean, my friends from every race and religion will be reading it. Why niche it to a particular topic that only few will be interested?

People would think I'm a fanatic or something. Or a religious freak, or nerd, or a 'holy' wannabe.

However I truly think that it's important, that everyone can at least understand a bit about us (even if you're not really interested), and what it's really like theoretically compared to what it's like in reality.

OK. The theoretical stuff first.

To put it simply:

All you Christian folks, can only date fellow Christians.

HUH?? WHY LIKE THAT ONE?? you may ask.

But wait!

Now the reality.

Sadly I see many people I know nowadays who claim to be "Christians" but couldn't even abide to this simple rule. Not that I'm judging them, but I am really sad that they don't treat this as a priority in their lives. God isn't a priority in their lives.

Most of them defensively say something that goes like this:

"Oh if I find a non-Christian boyfriend/girlfriend, I will bring them along to church and convince them to be a Christian."

or

"It's alright. My new non-Christian boyfriend/girlfriend is so willing to come to church with me. I think he's slowly becoming interested in the faith. When he converts, we'll be fine! After all, if we love each other, we would be willing to do anything for each other!"

or even

"Non-Christian guys/girls are more fun to be with!"

NO NO NO!

It does not work that way, people!

OK. Picture this.

Scenario 1:
Your partner whom you're currently dating decides to convert. You're happy that you can be with the one you love. You both get married (after all, we all don't date just for fun right? We date in seriousness hopefully to potentially get married, right?).
After a while into the marriage, you find your partner not that serious in the faith anymore. He/she doesn't go to church regularly, not doing quiet time. You ask him/her why, and you found out he/she converted just to be with you.

It's just the same like the Muslim faith. Let's say there is an inter-religious marriage between a Muslim and another religion. The other partner automatically becomes a Muslim. But does he/she really want to convert into Islam? Or did he/she want to marry the person irregardless of the faith?

It's the same situation here I guess. Few years down the road, you have a partner who is not interested religiously anymore. He/she converted just to please you and be with you. You find that you have a spiritually dead spouse, and you're not able to relate to him/her spiritually. You find that you both don't share the same principals and virtues in life. You're all alone in this.

However if he/she was genuinely interested in the faith from the start, then thank God and lucky for you! However the percentage of it happening, sadly is much lower than the opposite, and not worth taking the risk.

Scenario 2:
Your partner decides not to convert. You're thinking, it's OK. I'll still date and marry him/her, I love him/her too much and will be able to give in and be understanding. When we get married, I'll have all the time in the world to convince him/her to be a Christian. We can work it out as a couple and compromise. After all, we're married, my spouse will understand me better and give in eventually.

Well it sounds good, but WHAT IF the spouse stubbornly decides NOT to convert (and its more likely to happen)? You'll have a dilemma here. On one hand you still want to be actively involved in church work, but your spouse is not supportive of you. You try to get him/her to join you in church, but they're not interested. You argue about it.

When the children arrive eventually, you want to bring them to church on Sundays, but the spouse prefers them to stay at home and spend time with them, or bring them to the temple. Arguments happen, tempers flair. The family will be affected, the children will be scarred for life when they see their parents this way.

When all the dust has settled, you find that you're stuck with a spiritually dead spouse. You can't relate to him/her spiritually and you find that you're alone in it.

Therefore either way, it's a lose-lose situation.

Don't get stuck in it before you realize what is going on.

Decide and make your stand now. Because if a handsome or a pretty face decides to target you for a flirting game, it's all too late for last minute decisions and to say no.

Do tell me what you think of it. Do you agree? Object? Or if you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment below.

The Happiness Test

2011-05-31T15:43:00.000+08:00

I took a random test (cause I got nothing better to do :D) on a Psychology website about happiness.

Fortunately it didn't ask me for my credit card number if I wanted to view the results of the test.

Therefore I am able to reproduce the results here FOC and to let people know what makes me happy haha if you bother to read.

My results:

Happiness is essential and you put a lot of work into it

"You lavish care and attention on your levels of happiness, to the extent that you try to control them. This is because you understand that happiness is important and you have to give it its just place in your life (Amos says: quite true so far). If you don’t, it can get lost among other pressures and responsibilities and can end up wilting, like a plant deprived of attention and light.

Moments of happiness, for you, are part of keeping healthy, in that you know happiness can help to preserve and maintain well-being. Happiness is as essential and as beneficial as eating an apple, brushing your teeth, playing sport or taking a shower. You make sure that every day, each activity – even work, commuting, or attending social events that are a bit of a chore – is fun at some point.

You make happiness a priority in your life, but it doesn’t necessarily come highest on your list. (Amos says: quite correct!) You’ve got other goals to pursue, as well as personal, professional and spiritual problems to resolve. But knowing what makes you happy is a key resource when it comes to tackling these goals.

Your pragmatic attitude towards happiness can be beneficial. It means that you are happy in your daily life, and that your relationship with happiness is relatively simple: no guilty feelings and no soul searching. (Amos says: YUP!) Allowing yourself to be happy means that useful activities can be pleasurable, and vice versa.

Building happiness into your quest for health means that that process can become automatic, and as with any activity that becomes automatic – think of playing an instrument, for example – the mechanics of actually doing it can recede into the background, allowing you to sit back and enjoy it.

The drawback is that you need to learn to be more spontaneous. (Amos says: its true i'm too rigid :x) Mentally listing and categorising the sorts of things that make you happy is slightly cynical, and saps your capacity to enjoy those things. You need surprises, you need to allow some things to go unchecked, and you sometimes need life to be unpredictable.

But how do you go about discovering new sources of happiness? Once you know the answer to this question your sense of wellbeing, which is already healthy, will increase ten-fold. "

So you all know.

Now go on and make me happy (:

<3

Everything is possible

2011-05-30T23:33:00.000+08:00

Its so sweet that you fall in and out of love for the past 23 years, but still going strong and sticking with each other till now.

It's no small feat to love someone that long, and still be able to hold hands occasionally in public. Though now common topics to talk about have run dry (like every hubby and wifey), you still err tease each other and have a good laugh every now and then.

And it amazes and inspires me to think that marriage and commitment is possible!

Thank you daddy and mummy. To me, you're both winners.

Happy anniversary.

If only

2011-05-30T17:25:00.001+08:00

We all regret so many things in life.

Copyright Jade Windchime 2007
If only I could turn back the time, and undo what I have done, I would speak to you with my heart instead of my mind. I would draw you close instead of pushing you away. I would keep you near, instead of crying only when I realize you are gone. If only I could turn back the time, I would.

2011-05-29T23:29:00.002+08:00

What am I fighting for, there must be something more.

我知错了.

2011-05-28T11:12:00.003+08:00

每天我都不断责怪自己,

为什么没好好珍惜我身边的人.

但是,

后悔已来不及了. 自卑也没用.

我也不知道该怎么办了.

但, 我终于知错了. 不知道终有一天还值得原谅吗.

我华文是超烂的. 请原谅.

When you're through thinking, say Yes.

2011-05-27T18:49:00.006+08:00

Sometimes things are no coincidence.

I wanted to pay a visit to McDonalds today at Bandar Sri Damansara, near my high school.

Butttt when I reached, it was crowded crazy cause of McDonalds super attractive McLunch Savers! Since there's another one nearby at Damansara Damai (nevermind if you've never heard either of the places before), so I decided on DD's one. Lol Dee Dee and Dexter.

I thought I saw a familiar face when I stepped out of the car. So I stared.

Let me explain the staring technique. You may have used it before too! First, you stare at the person if you think he/she looks familiar. If the person stares back and shows a flicker of recognition, then it's the right person you had in mind.

Simple?

Anyway, I said hi of course and starting talking a bit to him. No matter how not close you are also, you'll at least say hi or go talk to the friend you hadn't seen for 3 years. It was my school mate by the way, we were classmates in form 1! But i think he dropped out out school during Form 5.

The natural impulse is to ask things like.

"Oh how are you?"

"What are you doing now?"

I'm always natural, so I did ask those things.

And I found out what he'd been up to. He'd been working, got married and had a kid.

I was a bit stunned at that point and had to awkwardly reconfirm with him what I heard was true.

And apparently, it was.

When I told him that I was waiting to get into university, he was kinda quiet all of a sudden.

After a while just to get out of that awkward moment, I said goodbye and went to queue myself up for a Big Mac.

On the way home though, I was replaying the past in my mind.

I could still remember wayyy back in Form 1, my BM teacher used to ask me to teach him to read that "Meniti Kaca" Malay novel cause his Malay was not that fluent. But I couldn't say mine was that great either :x Aiya anyway Form 1 everybody so guai, teacher ask you to do what, you also will follow right. So sometimes when BM period free time, she would ask me to read with him that particular novel.

Hey we were even on the same team for the inter-form basketball tournament!

But yeah as everyone grew older, different paths we took. Mixing with the wrong crowd changed innocence in an instant.

I'm sure he didn't intended for all these to happen.

Every guy would dream of finishing school, getting through college or maybe university, find the girl that you want to spend the rest of your life with, get married and have children after that, slowly climb that career ladder and hopefully being successful enough, see your children grow and be successful too, then enjoy retirement life.

Skipping some of the steps and going steeper up that spiral is not easy and not natural. He must have been thinking at that instant, why did I end up this way, why couldn't I lead a natural life that most people have? Why this Amos and other peers can get into college and uni, but I couldn't? Why couldn't I enjoy my adolescent life to the max without shouldering extra responsibilities and commitment?

Deep down inside, I really really do pity and really feel sad for him. I wished I did more to be more concerning. Being part of the school counseling team, I didn't do anything. I wished I was able to steer him to the right path when I was able to, and hopefully he would be successful and I would be happy to know I played a part in influencing someone else's life.

Which got me thinking.

Choices.

Each of us have a set of them to make.

Someone once said that before you make a decision, be humble to God. Then be confident and go forth and make your decision boldly.

What are your choices based on?

I still believe

2011-05-25T09:47:00.004+08:00

Cause I know

I've found

Colour pencil

of life.

And I'll be the sharpener lol (cause every expensive box comes with it).